Dear readers and friends,
Also today a coaching article on cognitive distortions (a first part), a very interesting and comprehensive article, this time too, of an exercise to use . This article also has the function of helping if accompanied by sincere introspection, because as I always repeat: no one can lie to themselves and it is useless to make fun of yourself. These articles stimulate self-understanding, acceptance, change where you can and above all love yourself. As in every Life Coaching context we are examining, there are only small explanations and many questions. Finding these answers is our task, discovering ourselves to then improve ourselves and loving ourselves for who we are is the ultimate goal. As has already been said in several articles:
“A question at the right time can change your life or at least the vision you have of it.”
Most thoughts that automatically appear in our minds are distorted in some way; they may be unrealistically negative or selective to the point of leaving out important information. These cognitive distortions typically result in a negative change in mood and decreased self-esteem. These thoughts occur so frequently that it's easy to not notice them at all, but what we notice is a sudden feeling of sadness, anxiety, or anger. The challenge is to learn how to identify these common cognitive distortions, how to challenge them, and ultimately replace them with more helpful and realistic thoughts.
There are 19 most important cognitive distortions and we will examine them one at a time.
- ELIMINATIONS
- MENTAL FILTER
- BLACK OR WHITE THINKING / POLARIZED THINKING
- GENERALIZATION AND CATEGORIZATION
- JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
- MAGNIFICATION (CATASTROPHICING)
- CUSTOMIZATION
- SELF-VICTIMIZATION (LEARNED HELPLESSNESS)
- THE ERROR OF EQUITY
- GUILTY AND IRRESPONSIBILITY
- THE ERROR OF THE REWARD FROM HEAVEN
- CONFUSION OF FEELINGS WITH FACTS
- MISTAKE BELIEFS FOR WHAT IS TRUE
- LABELING
- MYSTICAL CONQUESTS
- STRICT MAINTENANCE OF THE RULES
- EMOTIONAL REASONING
- MINIMALIZATION
- DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE
ELIMINATIONS
Our minds are very good at avoiding unnecessary pain caused by restless thoughts.
However, cancellations happen for several reasons: for example, when we need to focus our energies on a particular task, we eliminate any extra perception to help us focus on what we consider most crucial. Even during the non-critical moments of our lives, we delete about 80% of the data that reaches our brain. When an individual is anxious, they commonly develop "tunnel vision" in which they focus solely on the negative aspects of situations and eliminate any positive aspects. Sometimes the whole picture can be colored by a single negative detail. For example: focusing on the one person who doesn't like you rather than the other twenty who do.
MENTAL FILTER
A mental filter is when we are presented with a collection of ideas or experiences in close succession, and our minds filter all of these experiences together through a funnel to come to a conclusion.
This cognitive distortion plays an important role when dealing with negative experiences, which amplify the negative aspects of the past experience and ultimately trigger an automatic response for future events.
BLACK OR WHITE THINKING / POLARIZED THINKING
Black and white thinking is extreme thinking that often leads to intense emotions and behaviors. When things are "black or white". Either we are perfect or we are a complete failure – and there is no in between.
When we put people or situations into “either/or” categories, where there are no shades of gray. This does not allow for the complexity of most cases, individuals and situations. Unfortunately, we very quickly fall into “all or nothing” traps: black and white thinking doesn't recognize that there are usually different shades of gray between black and white. In seeing only two possible sides or outcomes of something, a person ignores the middle ground, which is most often the most reasonable.
GENERALIZATION AND CATEGORIZATION
Based on a case from the past or present, assume that in the future everyone else will or will follow a similar pattern. A sense of helplessness often accompanies these overgeneralizations.
For example: just because an ex-partner cheated on you, you believe that "ALL MEN (or women) ARE BAD!"
JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
A person who "jumps to conclusions" will often make a negative interpretation or prediction even when there is no real evidence to support their conclusion. This type of thinking is often based on how we think others feel about us.
It can appear as 'mind reading' (assuming other people's thoughts and intentions) or even as 'fortune telling' (anticipating the worst and accepting it as fact). For example, you are at a party and you don't like your outfit. You decide “everyone is laughing at me” (mind reading), or you say you will take the driving test and “you know” you will fail (fortune telling).
MAGNIFICATION (CATASTROPHICING)
Magnification means taking a fairly minor negative event and magnifying it completely out of proportion, imagining all kinds of disasters resulting from a single small event.
This type of thinking is for example, your new girlfriend declines an invitation to dinner with your parents and before giving her a chance to explain her reasons, you hang up and wrap up this is her way of telling you that the relationship is over. But it doesn't end here; then you continue to imagine her calling each of her friends and telling them what a mistake she made by dating you. Decide that you will never find another partner and that you will die old and lonely.
CUSTOMIZATION
When you believe that everything others say or do is some sort of direct and personal reaction to you . Also, when you compare yourself to other people and try to determine who is smarter, more beautiful, etc.
If you think this way, you may see yourself responsible for some unhealthy external event that you weren't responsible for at all. For example: I f I had pushed my husband to leave earlier, this would not have happened.
SELF-VICTIMIZATION (LEARNED HELPLESSNESS)
Self-victimization occurs when a person reflects on past (or even present) traumas, experiences, and circumstances and dwells excessively on self-pity and apathy.
They become so immersed in their negative thoughts and experiences that they begin to live in them permanently. What we focus on in life, we feel. Emotions are not diseases: they are the result of particular thoughts, and thoughts do not need to be cured: they need to be managed and modified. People with learned helplessness believe that they cannot change or that they should be treated and handled in a certain way because they have learned from their experiences, peers, and family that they are a victim.
THE ERROR OF EQUITY
This happens when people become consumed with the concept that certain things in life are "not right."
It's not fair that they weren't born into a rich family, it's not fair that they aren't taller, it's not fair that another person got a promotion and not them, it's not fair that they suffer from depression while other people have a happy life, etc. This attitude translates:
'The world doesn't give me what I want when I want it the way I want it and when it should be.'
Life is never fair: everyone has their moments of struggle, more or less. There are good people who suffer all their lives while there are bad people who never suffer.
However, fairness is nothing more than a matter of perception and comparison: it is about how we see the world rather than how the world is.
GUILTY AND IRRESPONSIBILITY
People find it relieving and liberating to blame others for the way their life is the way it is.
While it may be satisfying to assign blame, blaming others does not alleviate or solve the problems you are facing:
Only you can correct your feelings about a situation, and only you can overcome the situation. When we take more responsibility for the role we play in our lives (for our actions, thoughts, behaviors, beliefs), the more we will be empowered to change .
THE ERROR OF THE REWARD FROM HEAVEN
This is where people live in a world of idealism where they believe that martyrdom is a worthy role to play in life. Serving the greater good can often be a distortion in our minds to justify, to do the things we want to do and support things we want to believe.
No one is serving the greater good in these scenarios – they are just using the greater good as an excuse and justification for their actions and behaviors.
CONFUSION OF FEELINGS WITH FACTS
Some people can become so distorted in their thinking that they end up defining themselves by how they feel: if they call themselves depressed, they will act depressed, and if they call themselves anxious, they will act nervous and anxious.
Keep in mind that defining yourself is different than expressing to someone the feelings you have on a certain day or in a certain period of time.
Feelings are not facts: no one should ever feel the need to define themselves through emotion because they are so much more than that emotion.
The danger of defining oneself through an emotion like depression, we are psychologically more likely to feel safe and comfortable that way (since we assign our self-worth and identity to it), is that it is much more difficult to help someone out of this situation, emotion, through recovery, as they will feel like they are losing a part of themselves.
Given the length of the discussion and the many information reported in this article, I decided to divide it into two parts, where in the second part the other cognitive perceptions will be examined and an exercise to be included. Thank you for your attention and reading and I look forward to seeing you for the second part.
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