Dear Readers and Friends,
As in every Life Coaching context we are examining, there are only small explanations and many questions. Finding these answers is our task, discovering ourselves and then improving ourselves and loving ourselves for who we are is the ultimate goal. As has already been said in several articles:
“A question at the right time can change your life or at least your vision of it.”
So let's continue the series of Life Coaching articles with the same pattern.
Last but not least, nobody can deceive themselves, they can believe they can, but if we don't accept ourselves and are honest with ourselves, nothing we're doing will work.
This is the safe place where you can show your True Self without receiving criticism or suggestions, just questions at the right time.
To break a bad habit and create a new one, neuroscience says that a simple change is all it takes: Don't try to break a bad habit. Instead, give in... and then think about how you feel about what you did.
Although we think we make a lot of decisions during the day, we don’t make as many as we think. A study published in the Society for Personality and Social Psychology shows that about 40% of the things we do are not based on decisions but are habits that can be healthy or destructive.
In essence, bad habits are meaningless. We should be smart enough to embrace only positive habits, well it is not that easy. Common sense can give us guidelines and examples but these are not always right for everyone and for everything. The homologation of thought behaviors is another very dangerous structure to indulge in.
"We find patterns of behavior that allow us to achieve our goals." "We repeat what works, and when actions are repeated in a stable context, we form associations between cues and responses." Dr. Wendy Wood
So why do we create habits that don't help us live peacefully and happily?
Why does the way our brain responds to situations and behaviors often lead us wrong?
It seems that it all comes down to the anatomy of our brain and the pursuit of pleasure, it seems like something that is now established or outdated and yet neuroscience explains it like this:
When our intentional mind is active, we act in ways that achieve the desired outcome—and we are typically aware of our intentions. However, when the habitual mind is active, our habits operate largely outside of awareness. We cannot easily articulate how we act out our habits or why we act out our habits.
Our minds don't always integrate in the best possible way .
The orbitofrontal cortex , the region of the brain responsible for emotions and reward in decision making, and the prefrontal cortex , the region of the brain responsible for planning, decision making, and supporting goal-oriented behaviors, are always at odds, and many times our orbitofrontal cortex wins , simply because it is the stronger one.
"Habits allow us to focus on other things. Willpower is a limited resource, and when it runs out, we fall back into habits." Wendy Wood
HOW DO YOU INTERRUPT THIS CYCLE?
The answer is simple, but as has happened to us many times, the difficulty lies precisely in its simplicity: you must force yourself to think, not before following your bad habits, but during their implementation.
The first key is to reflect on the real benefits of a habit. The second key is to repeat the process, because a period of reflection and introspection will not be enough. With time, and by reflecting repeatedly, those two voices will speak “the same language”; the beneficial and authentic path to follow.
The prefrontal cortex will share all the long-term benefits of persevering. The orbitofrontal cortex will chime in with the reasons why persevering will make me feel better in the moment. And that's how you break the habit.
EXERCISE
Find a bad habit to break
Next time you get the urge, don't fight it. Don't consider the pros and cons ahead of time; consider them as you do what you wish you didn't do.
But don’t do it without thinking. Assess, in the moment, how you feel about what you’re doing.
Do you feel like you're getting any benefit from it?
Does it feel more fulfilling, gratifying, or satisfying than anything you “should” be doing?
In those moments, consider what you are gaining from this experience. Probably not much.
Repeat it enough times – reflect, in the moment, on the sensations and real benefits that come from a habit – and over time you will begin to make a different choice.
Because over time, your intentions and habits will not conflict. They will work together. Which will allow you to eliminate a bad habit and replace it with a good one
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