THE 10 KEYS TO BECOMING AN EFFECTIVE LISTENER

 Dear readers,

Yet another life coaching article to understand how to become a good listener by following these keys.

 

“When you speak, you are only repeating what you already know. If you listen, you might learn something new. -Dalai Lama XIV

THE 10 KEYS TO BECOMING AN EFFECTIVE LISTENER

1.     Be observant

Focus your attention on the other person . It is very easy to get distracted by your thoughts about what you have for lunch, where you go, etc. Do your best to clear your mind and offer the other person your total availability, focusing on the messages that want to be communicated. Show the other person that they have your full attention by maintaining eye contact. Look at them, even if they don't look at you. You don't have to stare at the other person - you can look away from time to time. The most important thing is to stay alert. Eliminate any distractions, such as background noise. Try not to focus on the other person's accent or any mannerisms that might stand out.

2.        Put the speaker at ease

Encourage the other person to feel free to speak - nod or use other gestures to encourage them to keep talking. Show them that you are listening and understanding what they are saying.

3.        Empathize

Do your best to understand the other person's point of view . Consider any issue from their perspective and let go of any preconceived ideas you may have. By having an open mind, you can more fully empathize with them. Empathy is the heart and soul of effective listening. To empathize you need to put yourself in the other person's shoes and allow yourself to feel how they are feeling in that moment. This is a challenging thing to do as it requires focus and energy. However, empathy is a generous and helpful thing to offer to others, and it facilitates communication more effectively than any other approach.

4.        Be patient

If the other person stops (even for a long time), it doesn't necessarily mean they're done talking . Be patient and allow them to continue at their own pace. Don't interrupt or finish the sentence because sometimes it takes time to formulate what he wants to say and then how to say it. If the other person is discussing a problem, she avoids suggesting solutions. Most of the time, people don't want advice. If they do, they usually ask. Most people prefer to find their own solutions and all they really want is someone to listen to them.

5.        Avoid personal bias

Do your best to remain impartial . You don't have to like another person or agree with their ideas, opinions, or values ​​to communicate effectively with them. However, it is important to withhold your judgment and put aside any blame and criticism to fully understand them. Avoid jumping to your own conclusions. Remember that the other person uses language to represent the thoughts and feelings inside his or her brain. You don't know what these thoughts and feelings are, and the only way to find out is by listening.

6.        Listen for the pitch

Both volume and tone of voice add to what is being said. An effective communicator will use both volume and tone to their advantage in keeping the audience attentive. Everyone uses pitch, tone and volume of voice in certain situations. Pay attention to these to get a better understanding of what the other person is trying to say.

7.        Identify key messages

Identify key messages. Focus more on the main idea rather than the details. This will give you an insight into what the other person is trying to say and keep you from getting lost in the details, which in turn will help you empathize more effectively.

8.        Pay attention to what is not being said

Paying attention to the other person's body language is crucial. You can detect boredom, irritation or enthusiasm very quickly in the tilt of their shoulders, the expression of their eyes and the set of their mouth. As you listen, remember that words only convey a fraction of the message. Watch out for any additional information they are conveying through non-verbal communication.

9.        Wait for the speaker to stop and ask questions

If you don't understand something, it's important to ask for clarification . However, instead of interrupting, wait for the other person to take a break. You could always say something like, "Can you go back for a second?  I didn't quite understand what you said about..."

10.    Think back

Reflect back is the process of restating and paraphrasing the other person's words and feelings. It can help the other person "hear" their thoughts and focus on what they are saying and how they are feeling. Thinking shows the other person that you are trying your best to understand what they are saying and that you are trying to see the world as they see it. It doesn't imply that you ask questions, steer the conversation in a different direction, or introduce a new topic. Reflecting helps the other person feel understood and gives them the time and space to focus and explore their ideas further. Statements like "Are you concerned about the changes… tell me more?" or "You're excited, but I'm also starting to sense that you're a little worried?" are examples of reflective questions. For the other person, hearing back what she just said can be really meaningful to him. You may find that you get responses like, "Did I really say that?" or "hearing you repeat what I just said seems to have made the issue clearer in my mind." We'll explore some of these keys to effective listening in more detail as we take a closer look at what it means to engage in active listening.