Dear friends,
As in every context of Life Coaching that we are examining, there are little explanations and lots of questions. Finding these answers is our task, discovering ourselves and then improving ourselves and loving ourselves for who we are is the ultimate goal. As already mentioned in several articles:
“A question at the right time can change your life or at least the vision you have of it”.
So we continue the Life Coaching series of articles always in the same pattern.
Last sore point: no one can deceive themselves, they can believe they do, but if you don't accept yourself and are honest with yourself, none of what we're doing will work.
This is the safe place where you can show your True self without criticism or suggestions, just questions at the right time.
Well, after this little introduction let's see some notes on how to improve maturity and character.
USEFUL AND NOT USEFUL ATTITUDES
We are all on a journey of maturity and growth, but the pace of our growth depends on how quickly we move away from or into habits, beliefs and attitudes that do not serve us and those that are useful. We should always look for ways we can add value to our lives by asking ourselves questions that provoke and challenge us to think about ourselves and where we are going. This includes addressing the unhelpful attitudes we have adhered to in life, something we can only discern if we listen carefully to ourselves and “our Feelings”.
RESPONSIBLE VERSUS IRRESPONSIBLE
We make peace with our truth once we accept what is true, and if we take responsibility for those truths.
We need to confront ourselves by identifying what behaviors, attitudes or beliefs we have that don't work and if we take responsibility for them. Responsibility breeds empowerment, but only if we take responsibility for our need to change and our desire to change.
We can ask ourselves questions such as:
What parts of my life have I consciously taken responsibility for and what parts of my life do I still need to take responsibility for?
Are there aspects of my life (beliefs, habits, mindsets, or attitudes) that I feel are holding me back in life?
What if I stopped thinking that these were just "part of who I am" and instead saw them as parts of me that I could change if I took it upon myself to change them?
What would be my next step?
HUMILITY VERSUS ARROGANCE AND PRIDE
Within a life coaching context, arrogance and pride more often than not take the form of the defensive. When people are confronted with the idea of challenging and even changing their lifestyle habits, their sense of self is attacked and therefore they often protect their negative way of being for themselves.
Humility is what helps us to get out of our useless habits, because humility is when we humbly know our faults, weaknesses and imperfections and are aware of them.
We can ask ourselves questions such as:
What aspects of myself do I get defensive about if someone criticizes me about it? How have I responded to criticism of these aspects in the past?
If I were honest with myself, what flaws, weaknesses, and imperfections would I accept that I have but be willing to address and manage to encourage my growth and progression in life?
How do I plan on dealing with these parts of myself (without shame or punishment)?
SLOW TO ANGER VS FAST TO ANGER
Angry people are not influential people .
While the Machiavellian principle holds that it is better to be feared than loved, I would argue that it is better to be trusted than feared. When people trust us, they know where they stand with us and are happy about it. When we are slow to anger, we have more time to reflect, think, and respond more appropriately. When we respond in anger, our priority is to defend ourselves rather than grow; so we become more defensive and leave those commitments as we arrived (or, in a worse position).
Self-awareness fuels self-management, and self-management affects the health and stability of our social engagement.
We can ask ourselves questions such as:
Am I quick or slow to anger or am I a mixture of both? We write down the scenarios where we are quick to get angry, then we write down the scenarios where we are calmer. Can we identify the causal difference between the two?
Write a case study about yourself when you got angry quickly: note the circumstance, how you felt about yourself, how you felt about the circumstance, and how you felt afterwards. What would you do differently if you could go back?
PROMOTERS OF UNITY VERSUS PROMOTERS OF DISUNITY
Unity is always more for building character than disunity.
Neglecting people we disagree with, don't get along with, or dislike is the easy option in life: learning to live with them is harmony is the challenge. We can't bury people and live in protective bubbles that never overlap: we have to confront wrongdoings, we have to accept the unknown and we have to learn to love and live the difference.
It's easy to love people who make eye contact and even easier not to love people who don't. Society and the world as a whole do not function in disunity: iron sharpens iron.
We grow more as people when we are surrounded by people whose worldview we do not understand, because it is only by trying to understand each other that we can conceptualize a way of living in harmony with one another.
We can ask ourselves questions such as:
Am I committed to working with and understanding other people or am I more interested in doing the things I want my own way?
What changes can I start making today to better understand others and start working with other people?
PURCHASE OF GROWTH VERSUS PURCHASE OF PLEASURE
Pleasure is an instantaneous and fleeting experience that comes and goes, but growth is a process.
For pleasure-seekers, it's never enough: they want more success, more food, more alcohol, more sex, more friends, more happiness, more money, more kids. For those who are looking for growth, it's not the end result they crave, but the experience of the process.
Those who seek growth are those who step out of the victim mentality and take responsibility for the direction their life takes, their thought patterns, beliefs and behaviors.
We can ask ourselves questions such as:
Do I accept challenges and look for ways to grow and develop, or do I avoid change?
In what areas of my life can I begin to improve today that would prioritize growth over pleasure?
FAITH IN THE FUTURE VERSUS FEAR OF THE FUTURE
Faith, in a life coaching attitude, is not a religious concept: it is a mindset .
Without faith in our future, we live in a state of apathy and passivity. People without self-confidence are too afraid to step out of their comfort zone because they live in fear and therefore live selfishly (i.e. in a state of self-preservation). When we operate in faith, we are proactive in our lives because we are not concerned with how we will be received in the future and what will happen to us.
We can ask ourselves questions such as:
Do I take risks with the confidence that things will turn out for the best or do I tend to "play it safe" out of fear of making mistakes?
How much more could I achieve with my life if I were to stop exercising fear and start exercising more faith?
DECISIVITY VERSUS INDECISIVENESS
Decisiveness is a mentality that I hope everyone adopts because it shows that you have moved beyond fear of the future and fear of failure. People who are motivated to make a difference in life are more decisive in their decisions than those who seek money and fame because they are driven by a passion and moral initiative greater than themselves.
Those who are indecisive find themselves in this situation because they are not sure who they really are, what they represent and what their motivations should be.
We can ask ourselves questions such as:
What areas of your life do I find myself believing in myself or changing my mind?
Can I identify areas of my life where I'm only motivated by my superficial and selfish things like money and fame?
How can I change my thinking in these areas to assign more/better motivation?
GOVERNED BY FACTS VS GOVERNED BY FEELINGS
A life governed by facts is stable and constant, while a life governed by feelings is turbulent and susceptible to spontaneous change.
Feelings are very rarely based in fact - you might say, "I don't feel like I'm good enough for x," but that doesn't mean you're not good enough. We can all achieve anything we strive for and prepare for – the only thing standing in the way of our abilities are our feelings. Feelings are not facts: they shouldn't have as much power over us as they do.
We can ask ourselves questions such as:
Am I completely honest with myself and others in all areas of my life?
Do I hold back just to keep the peace with others?
Who could I be more honest with today if I wasn't worried about how others would react?
DRIVEN BY PROGRESS VS DRIVEN BY SAFETY
How much progress in life do you expect to make in your comfort zone?When most people feel pressure and stress in life, they retreat into their comfort zone and hide from the responsibility and hardships that are thrown their way. How come? Because they are driven by security and self-preservation. The problem is that no growth can be achieved in the limited reality of one's comfort zone. While stress is not something people should encourage in their lives, it is not something that should be avoided but managed.
If more people took the time to understand how to manage stress (along with the physical and mental effects it causes), more people would feel comfortable and confident in their ability to cope with stressful situations and would allow the experience to be a learning opportunity for them, rather than something that pushes them back in life or into a state of petrified stagnation.
We can ask ourselves questions such as:
What are the unhelpful and helpful ways I respond to stress?
What are the most stressful situations I find myself in that lead me to resort to safe but ultimately useless resolution mechanisms?
How are these situations different from the types of stressful situations I am capable of handling?
Let's analyze the two different stress-related scenarios and identify what triggers an "unmanageable" stressful situation versus a manageable one.
My advice: it is always better to carry out a first self-analysis, if you encounter difficulties , ask for help from a professional in the sector. Humility, do you remember?
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