SELF-CONCEPT, SELF-ESTEEM, AND EMOTIONAL STYLES

 Dear Readers and Friends,

Today we continue with another article on Emotional Psychology, combining different perspectives and authors from different fields into a set of suggestions and improvements for our psychophysical and emotional well-being.

Before we can manage our emotions, it's essential to understand them. Emotions evolved as adaptive mechanisms that helped our ancestors survive. They aren't simple reactions, but rapid and effective action programs designed by evolution.

To discover your true self, you must pay attention to everything around you, constantly attentive to your inner feelings. You must pay attention to every decision you make or don't make. 

Self-concept is the mental image, the cognitive and emotional construction we have of ourselves. It is the complex answer each of us gives to the fundamental question: "Who am I?"

This self-image is not simple, static, or unique; it is made up of a complex and dynamic mosaic of beliefs, perceptions, values, and memories about ourselves. These beliefs are forged throughout our lives, from childhood to the present day, and are profoundly influenced by our interactions with significant others around us, such as parents, family, friends, and mentors. To analyze it more deeply, we can approach it from different theoretical perspectives. Social psychology, for example, distinguishes two main components within the concept of self. On the one hand, there is personal identity , which includes those characteristics that define us as unique individuals: our personality traits, our abilities, our tastes, and our most intimate values. On the other, we find social identity , which refers to who we are in relation to the groups to which we belong. This includes the roles we play in society, such as being parents, students, professionals, members of a sports team, or citizens of a country.

Seeking and finding our individuality in the society we live in is the goal which, as always, must not manifest itself in harming anyone. Our journey is always first and foremost an internal one which will surely later be manifested also on the outside of us . 

Humanistic psychology, with Carl Rogers as one of its most important figures, offers another complementary perspective. Self-concept is structured into three parts.

The first is the "self-image" or the "true self" , that is, how we perceive ourselves in the present moment, with our strengths and weaknesses.

The second is "self-esteem" , that is, the emotional evaluation, positive or negative, that we give to that image.

The third is the "ideal self" , which represents the image of the person we would like to be, our desires and aspirations.

The consistency or discrepancy between our true self and our ideal self has a direct impact on our self-esteem and well-being.

 A clear, positive, and coherent self-concept is the foundation of mental health, providing us with a sense of identity, purpose, and direction in life. It's the internal map we use to navigate the world.

 

We make peace with our truth once we accept what is true, and take responsibility for those truths. 

Self-awareness fuels self-management, and self-management influences the health and stability of our social engagement.

Self-esteem, the evaluation we place on ourselves, is a crucial component of our self-concept and well-being. However, it's vital to understand that not all high self-esteem is intrinsically positive or healthy.

We must dispel the idea that high self-esteem is always the goal, as it can sometimes mask deeper psychological issues and have destructive consequences for both the individual and their environment.

Those who seek growth are those who break out of the victim mentality and take responsibility for the direction their lives take, their thought patterns, beliefs, and behaviors.

High self-esteem can be harmful when it's based on self-centered, arrogant tendencies, and the need to feel superior to others. This type of self-esteem is known as narcissistic or destructive.

Its main characteristic is that it is based on the exclusive valorization of those abilities and talents that fuel a sense of power and dominance over others. A person with narcissistic self-esteem needs constant comparison to feel valid, and their apparent security depends directly on the devaluation or feeling superior to others. This is, in essence, a fragile, competitive, and insatiable self-esteem. In contrast, healthy or constructive self-esteem is based on very different foundations. It is not based on social comparison or superiority, but on unconditional and genuine self-acceptance. A person with healthy self-esteem is able to recognize and value their strengths without exaggerating or using them as a weapon. And, equally important, they can accept their weaknesses and limitations without diminishing their sense of personal value. Their value does not depend on being better than others, but rather on a stable internal source of self-esteem, self-respect, and self-compassion. Our goal in personal development should therefore be to foster this type of constructive self-esteem. We should strive for a self-esteem that transcends external achievements, success, or the approval of others.

It's essential to cultivate the belief that our value as people is intrinsic and unconditional. This vision frees us from the tyranny of comparison and competition and allows us to establish relationships with others in a climate of equality, respect, and authenticity.

Emotional Styles: Which One Do You Identify With?

People develop different ways of relating to their emotions. These patterns, or "emotional styles," influence how we experience and manage our emotional lives. Psychologists Peter Salovey (one of the pioneers of the concept of EI) and John D. Mayer, along with others such as Lane and Schwartz, have proposed a classification that can help us better identify and understand ourselves.

This model describes three main styles.

The second style is "emotionally uncontrolled" or "blocked"

This style characterizes people who often feel overwhelmed by their emotions. They feel like slaves to their moods, which tend to be very volatile and intense. They have little awareness of their feelings and, as a result, feel helpless in their emotional lives. They don't adequately address their negative states and often feel adrift, overwhelmed by the storm of their emotions without a clear direction.

Finally, we have the "resigned" or "accepting" style.

These people are characterized by a passive and often resigned acceptance of their mood. They clearly perceive their feelings, but make no attempt to change them, even if they are negative. They are prone to depressive moods and exhibit an attitude of emotional neglect. They don't necessarily feel overwhelmed like those in the previous style, but they don't take action to improve their state either; they simply "let it go."

It's crucial to remember that these classifications aren't rigid or definitive. Categories. The same person may display traits of different styles at different times or in different areas of their life. However, reflecting on which of these we most identify with can be a very revealing exercise in self-awareness and an excellent starting point for our emotional development work. 

Being true to yourself is the key that opens the door to the infinite within you.