Dear readers and friends, original article (italian)
Today we will introduce a very interesting coaching concept: Incorrect Beliefs.
As in every Life Coaching context we are examining, there are only small explanations and many questions. Finding these answers is our task, discovering ourselves to then improve ourselves and loving ourselves for who we are is the ultimate goal. As has already been said in several articles:
“A question at the right time can change your life or at least the vision you have of it.”
Once again I ask you not to substitute an expert for this article, if you need help there are the structures and personnel suitable for this purpose, contact them.
Incorrect beliefs are deeply held beliefs or assumptions we have about ourselves, other people, and life in general. In most cases, these beliefs are wrong and completely useless. We usually learn these beliefs from our parents, peers, teachers, and the larger society in which we grew up. Most people tend to take these beliefs for granted and don't even realize that they are beliefs. We simply assume that they are true!
We'll start with one of the most common incorrect equations to not live by :
WHAT I DO + HOW WELL I DO = WHO I AM
There is nothing wrong with being a qualified individual with high standards and excellent attention to detail. But if our vision of the future is based on our skills and abilities, our vision will be too narrow and limited.
PHYSICAL ASPECT
So many people prioritize their lives to get noticed: they spend hours of their day trying to trend on Instagram with their hottest new selfie, showing off the OOTD, and showing off their makeup skills and weight loss progress. There are others who invest thousands of dollars in their bodies, whether through makeup, plastic surgery, steroids, fillers, tattoos or gym memberships. Again, this priority given to physical appearance as a future investment is limited and small.
PERSONAL INTELLIGENCE
Many people base their worth and identity on their knowledge, especially many academics and students. However, many students do not judge themselves by how intelligent and competent they actually are, but rather by how intelligent they are compared to other students according to an outsourced exam system. In other words: they judge their intelligence according to the standardization of a system and rank it according to their peers.
ABILITY TO ARTICULATE WELL
None of us are perfect communicators, but some of us base our identity on how well we communicate our truths and what we stand for. Why? Because what we have to share with the world constitutes our value that we have to offer to people. However, relying solely on your ability to communicate correctly, without disputes, debated questions or inaccuracies is the wrong attitude. We are all on the path to improvement and growth.
TRUST
Those who are usually the soul of the party and more likely those who mask their distrust; however, because they are so talented at feigning confidence, they place significant weight on their ability to "have confidence." If our vision is to have faith in the future, we must recognize that that vision is actually limited to a feeling we want to feel in the future, rather than a purposeful way of being.
WHO I AM + HOW I AM = WHAT I DO
FUNDAMENTAL IDENTITY
The only thing that can be consistent for us in life is our core identity. This is a foundation that can set us free: it is not tied to any opinion, belief, theory, attitude or behavior.When we ground ourselves in the truth of who we are in life, we become free to be ourselves. The most significant vision we can have for our future, which will motivate and inspire us to progress in life, is our vision of who we will become.
WRONG BELIEFS
Erroneous beliefs are the origin of negative self-talk .
They are deeply held beliefs or assumptions we have about ourselves, other people, and life in general. In most cases, these beliefs are wrong and completely useless. We usually learn these beliefs from our parents, peers, teachers, and the larger society in which we grew up. Most people tend to take these beliefs for granted and don't even realize that they are beliefs. We simply assume that they are true! Below are some examples of incorrect beliefs:
•'Life is a constant struggle.'
•'I should always behave, no matter how I feel.'
•'I am nothing until others love and approve of me.'
•'I'm not important. My feelings and needs are not important.'
•'I can't deal with scary or difficult situations.'
The incorrect beliefs you have about yourself and the way life is are the root cause of the anxiety you feel. Choosing to let go of these beliefs will help you feel less worried, stressed and unhappy.
•'I can't afford to have what I want.'
•'I have no time.'
•'I don't have the talent.'
•On an even deeper level, “I don't deserve to have the things I really want.”
Under these conditions we will never go beyond a stage in life that we cannot imagine reaching.
Believing in the negative aspects of yourself means that you won't even try to get what you want, which is the surest way to guarantee that you won't get it! Our job is to grasp a compelling vision of our future: There is no personal benefit in focusing on feelings, the economy, world news, and the opinions of others because these things are uncertain and constantly fluctuating.
WRONG BELIEFS SET LIMITS ON YOUR SELF-EVALUATION
Misconceptions are usually based on the idea that self-worth depends on something outside of ourselves, such as material possessions, social status, wealth, love, or the approval of another person. Believing that “my worth depends on the things I accomplish” or that “success is” puts your self-worth outside of you and keeps you from realizing that you have many qualities and talents regardless of your outward accomplishments. As your self-esteem develops, you will learn to respect and believe in yourself outside of the things you have achieved and without depending on anyone else to feel secure within yourself.
DISCOVER YOUR WRONG BELIEFS
We have all developed our own set of misbeliefs by hearing direct messages from other people such as "good girls don't get angry"; or we adopt them in response to external criticism (for example: "I'm worthless"), to being ignored by others ("my needs don't matter") or to being rejected ("I'm unlovable"). Unfortunately, because we hold these beliefs, we act in ways that validate them, thus making them self-fulfilling prophecies. It is essential to understand how our set of incorrect beliefs was formed before we proceed to reprogram ourselves with more functional and supportive beliefs.
Examples of misbeliefs and counter-statements:
1. I'm helpless. I am a victim of external circumstances.
Counterstatement: I am responsible for myself and in control of my life. I cannot determine the circumstances, but I can determine my attitude towards them.
2. If I take a risk, I will fail. If I fail, others will reject me.
Counterstatement: It's okay for me to take risks and it doesn't matter if I fail - I can learn from every mistake I make. It's okay for me to be successful.
3. Life is a constant struggle. There must be something wrong if life seems easy, pleasant, or fun.
Counterstatement: Life is enjoyable and full. It's okay for me to relax and have fun. Life is an adventure where I am learning to accept both the highs and the lows.
4. I'm not important. My feelings and needs are not important.
Counterstatement: I am a unique and precious individual. My needs and feelings are as important as anyone else's.
Five questions to ask yourself to challenge your misconceptions
1. What is the evidence to support this belief? If I look objectively at all my life experiences , what is the evidence that this belief is true?
2. Is this belief always true for me?
3. Does this belief consider the full picture? Does it take into account both positive and negative ramifications?
4. Does this belief encourage my peace of mind and well-being?
5. Did I choose this belief or did it develop through the influence of my family/friends as I was growing up?
Remember that whatever value these mistaken beliefs may have offered you in the past no longer holds, and today they only serve to create stress and anxiety.
Self-reflection exercise
Answer the following questions and then consider what counterstatements you might use to begin changing this belief today.
My misconception is:
1. What is the evidence to support this belief? If I look objectively at all my life experiences, what is the evidence that this belief is true?
2. Is this belief always true for me?
3. Does this belief consider the full picture? Does it take into account both positive and negative ramifications?
4. Does this belief encourage my peace of mind and well-being?
5. Did I choose this belief or did it develop through the influence of my family/friends as I was growing up?
6. What counterstatements can I start using to start changing this misbelief today?
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