UNDERSTANDING DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR ACCORDING TO ALBERT ELLIS

Dear Readers and Friends,                                                                         Original Article

As in every Life Coaching context we are examining, there are only small explanations and many questions. Finding these answers is our task, discovering ourselves and then improving ourselves and loving ourselves for who we are is the ultimate goal. As has already been said in several articles: 

“A question at the right time can change your life or at least your vision of it.” 

So let's continue the series of Life Coaching articles with the same pattern.

Last sad note: no one can fool themselves, they can believe they can, but if you don't accept yourself and be honest with yourself, nothing we are doing will work.  This is the safe place where you can show your True Self without receiving criticism or suggestions, only questions at the right time.

Albert Ellis suggested that a small number of core beliefs underlie most of our emotions and unhelpful behaviors. Core beliefs function as ground rules that guide how we react to the circumstances of our lives. When we determine that something is right or wrong, we are referring to that something against a set of rules that we have unconsciously adopted. 

The ways we think and feel can greatly influence (but not determine) the way we behave. Despite the common practice of compartmentalizing them, our actions and behaviors are separate from our beliefs and thoughts. Thoughts are so acutely automatic that on average we have 2,500-3,300 thoughts per hour , yet the only thoughts we act on and agree with are the ones we fundamentally believe. Our beliefs give power to our thoughts, and it is this power that continues to motivate and guide our actions and behaviors.

The main goal of CBT is to look at the relationship between our cognition and our behaviors, but we will only be able to identify someone's destructive beliefs by understanding and identifying their destructive behaviors. Some behavioral patterns can be problematic for people in the following ways:

1. SELF-DESTRUCTIVE HABITS

2. ISOLATED AND DEPRESSIVE MOOD BEHAVIORS

3. AVOIDANCE-BASED RESPONSES

SELF-DESTRUCTIVE HABITS

How excessive drinking or taking drugs to calm anxiety can cause direct physical harm. We all engage in behaviors that we know are not good for us from time to time, whether it’s smoking, eating unhealthy foods, not getting enough exercise, or even spending too much time on social media. 

Regardless of the severity of our addictions and bad habits, everyone has some degree of self-sabotage and self-destructiveness.

We are all familiar with the feelings of shame and guilt that come from engaging in behaviors that we know are bad for us, but that we repeatedly give in to because, in the moment, it feels fulfilling and satisfying. People who struggle with self-destructive habits (also known as dysregulated behaviors) tend to experience stronger emotions than others because they may have experienced invalidation, abuse, or adverse circumstances in their past (and especially in early childhood) that made them more susceptible to noticing painful emotions. 

Because of this susceptibility, they end up engaging in activities and behaviors that numb them emotionally, but their addiction to these habits can leave them feeling hopeless and out of control.

 

 

ISOLATED AND DEPRESSIVE MOOD BEHAVIORS

How staying in bed all day or not seeing friends increases feelings of isolation and maintains a low mood. While we all have different social preferences (with some people being more sociable than others), humans are wired to be sociable creatures, especially during times of stress and distress. 

However, there are many people out there, especially those with low self-esteem and self-love, who retreat into isolation during difficult times, which only exacerbates their negative emotions and thoughts.

Several studies have confirmed the dangerous effects of loneliness, including a shortened lifespan, a compromised immune system, disrupted sleep patterns, and cognitive decline.

Having little or no external stimulation from other sources causes people to turn their attention inward, which can lead to distorted self-perceptions and rumination.

 

AVOIDANCE-BASED RESPONSES

How to avoid situations that you perceive as threatening (social gatherings, public speaking, etc.) that deprive you of the opportunity to face your fears. A great acronym to use for this is FEAR, which stands for false evidence appearances real. Fear keeps people  from doing most things in life,  but fear is nothing more than a thought: an anxious prospect of what might happen in your imagination. 

Fear is just a feeling that holds people back from moving forward in life and becoming the kind of person they want to be,  limiting themselves and others from experiencing the value they have to offer the world. 

If you can do some honest introspection, you will find your bad habits and attitudes that provide all the content you need to ask yourself the right questions. Most of the questions you will ask yourself will revolve around destructive behaviors to get to the root of the unhelpful belief that supports them.

The information contained in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as health or medical advice. Always consult a physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or health goals.